– BOB’S WEARING CROCS! In Africa???
– They look like frightening warriors with all that paint. Especially Suzie.
– Bob’s gonna rape this challenge. Maze + puzzle = win.
– Suzie’s the first through digging the hole? THAT tub o’ lard??
– Damn, everyone’s so tired…
– And as planned, Bob wrecked. He wins individual immunity.

*commercial*

– Ken + Matty = ♥?? Mindgames???
– Here comes Tribal #1, it looks like Susie’s going to be on the chopping block.
– WOW, Ken is definitely digging himself a hole here.
– One for Ken…one for Suzie…two for Ken…KEN IS GONE. Way to talk it up, champ. Everyone voted for you.

*commercial* ([Marley & Me looks like a fail of a movie)

– Suzie’s gotta be next to go. She must win immunity to stay alive.
– Ah, fallen comrades, and all the retroriffic bullshit. Damn, Michelle was pretty hot. GILLIAN WAS NOT FUN, SUZIE!! Paloma was another firecracker. Meh, Jackie. GC was crazy and was not a leader at all. Kelly was…pretty damn cute, but not necessarily the brightest girl. Ace was a PIMP, everyone knew it. Dan was too pure, despite being a lawyer…HE DYED HIS HAIR! Marcus was quite the strong player…and Charlie’s eye-candy. Charlie…had too many feelings for Marcus. Randy said the funniest shit, but got old too quickly at the end…and yes, he IS a dumbass for falling for the fake idol. Corinne is a spiteful bitch, the end. Crystal failed too many challenges for being an Olympic athlete. Ken is a G, but we all knew that…WHY DID THEY SHOW THE TRIP??? SAKURAIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

*commercial* (Another stupid movie, this time Desperaux)

– Final immunity challenge. 200 wooden tiles, make a house of cards ten feet tall? Again, Bob is gonna ownnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn[…]nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
– BOB, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TRIANGLE, TRIANGLE!!! …There you go. Wait, WHAT?
– This is just insane. Matty’s looking rather sturdy in this. Must have played a lot of Jenga.
– One more minute and SUZIE’S WINNING? Are you for real?? She should just stay.
– WHAT? Damn, Suzie. And Bob got WRECKED. Just wow. Saved her ass BIG TIME. Too bad nobody on the jury will vote for her.

*commercial*

– Yeah, pretty obvious that Bob’s going home. That’s a damn shame.
– Stop talking, Suzie. You’re making things worse. GO OFF ON HER, BOB. GET PISSED.
– SHUT THE HELL UP, SUZIE.
– THANK you, Bob.
– Oh my GOD, why was she NOT voted out in the beginning. She’s almost as nutso as Gillian…well, almost.
– WHAT, conspiracy??? DOO EET! Aww, the Sugar father figure pity party…
– Bob’s smart by practicing making fire, considering that will likely be a tiebreaker.
– TRIBAL #2: Craziness, perhaps?
– Ken SHAVED, lolololol. He should have kept the goatee.
– …Shut up, Jeff. Stop talking. You talk too much.
– Oh, Bob’s emotion might SWING THE VOTE!! Do it for the drama, Sugar!!
– One Bob…Two Bob…One Matty…anddddd…YEAHHHH TWO MATTY! TIE, BABY!
– Did the practice for firemaking pay off? Bob should have this…but Matty looks like he’s having the right idea. And Bob has flame!…but it’s out…smoke??…flame again!…and he’s owning. Matty didn’t have a shot. Bob goes onto the final three!!

*commercial* (So now the jury decides who the final two are. My bet’s on Bob and Sugar, but maybe that’s cuz I dislike Suzy. Then the winner is decided at the reunion.)

– Why won’t Suzie stop talking??? LET’S COUNT THE DAYS!!! 1…2…3…
– More people have to wonder why Sugar continually looks so good out in the wild. New clothes, eye makeup, the works…
– Nice burning in effigy of the hut.
– Interesting opinions from the jury beforehand. There’ll be a lot of moments-of-truth, which should be interesting.
– Suzie: Psh, the “showing the son you can try” card. Well done, Suzie. You can STAND!
– Bob: Pretty good speech, didn’t win over Ken though. Ohhhh, does he feel spited.
– Sugar: Wow. It’s surprising how screwed she is in this jury vote. I don’t want Suzy to make the final two, but she just might…

*DAMN YOU COMMERICIAL! I want to hear what they have to say!*

JURY TIME!
– Charlie: Good question regarding ranking. Pretty lame answer, Sugar. INTIMATE CUDDLING AND SPOONING??? WTF, BOB!!!
– Crystal: …LOL, booger check.
– Ken: Ohhhh boy. Save Bob for last. SUGAR the first girl you could trust??? OHHH, KEN GOT SPURNED. What DID you want to hear from Bob, Ken? His answer made sense to me…
– Corinne: LOL, vocal cords. Nasty Bob does exist, but rarely. Yikes…what a bitch. You don’t go ripping on dead relatives.
– Marcus: Hm, just a bunch of personal ties and $ donation stuff. Borrrring.
– Randy: This is all about tearing Sugar a new one. Aww, that was disappointing, Randy. BOO.
– Matty: SUZIE, Bob got pissed at you for a reason! Sugar is evil by breaking Kenny’s heart!! ROFLCAKES!

*commercial* (Wait…million dollar vote? Then what’s the point of the…never mind…)

– So here’s this…vote thing. LOL RANDY: “All three of you, kiss my ass!” KEN DOESN’T KNOW WHO TO VOTE FOR! I bet it’s Susie. I’ll be pissed it is her, cuz she’s got a shot.
– Ah, OK, the reunion is where they read the votes. AND IT IS SO NOT LIVE!! Survivor got delayed because of the Pittsburgh/Baltimore football game, so cut the bullshit.

– Bob…Susie…Susie (Ken’s vote)…Susie…Bob…Bob…AND IT IS…

BOB!!!!!! Good man.

I declare Ozzy Osbourne’s “Mr. Crowley” the theme of Survivor: Gabon. Who’s with me?